Listening to the Savior's Heartbeat

“There was reclining on Jesus' breast one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved.” 

(John 13:23 NASB)

The disciple John, a young fisherman from Judea, made a life-changing decision when he decided to follow Jesus. He partnered with his brother James in this endeavor – forsaking his past, to strike out upon a new path – a path of trust, a journey of love, a discovery of redemption, peace and forgiveness. His young heart was eager and teachable, his spirit open to God, his heart willing to grow and serve.

As his journey progressed as a follower of the Rabbi, he listened, he questioned, he learned, he prepared and he remained faithful to the calling he had received from his Messiah.

John was known as the “Evangelist” and appropriately so as his life exhibited a commitment to learning, compassion for others and an intimacy with his Savior. He heard his Savior's heartbeat. He reclined at table with him during the Last Supper, and he never forgot the lessons he learned. He received free evangelism training from the Master Teacher Himself and then in turn shared that training with others through example and writings. His teachable heart became a leader's heart.

Now, two centuries later, we have his letters and writings, life-breathed from the Master Teacher to an eager young student-- “the one whom Jesus loved.” Inspired of God, the Gospel of John is alive with the story of God's redemptive work through His one and only Son, Jesus Christ. Today, these writings have the power to lead new believers down the same dusty roads that John and Jesus traveled together, experiencing life together, and spreading the good news through evangelism.

“If you abide in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:31b-32 NASB)

Since 1893, The Pocket Testament League has been sharing John's Gospel and New Testaments to those in need thus spreading the good news to a hurting world. Helen Cadbury, it's founder said: “If only we could get people to read the Book for themselves it will surely lead them to Christ.”

Her vision lives on today through the vast outreach of The Pocket Testament League which inspires believers to listen to their Savior's heartbeat, to abide in His word, and to share that Word with passion and authenticity. The League equips believers with countless evangelism tools and educational materials to support this goal such as pocket versions of the Gospel of John, children's resources, training programs, daily devotionals, Bible studies, and website banners. All meant to equip Christ followers with the power of Jesus' word to heal, to encourage, to strengthen and to lead a hurting world into the saving grace of God's redemption plan.

From a Savior's heartbeat . . . to John's heart . . . to yours.  

Dead, desperate and defeated in the desert

Unfortunately, it's been a very long time since I've had the gumption to get creative in any shape or form.  It's got a lot to do with depression, lack of inspiration, and downright depression.  Did I mention depression? 

Don't worry - I kind of use that word in an ethereal sense, not a true psychiatric sense. Don't send in the "white coats" just yet.   Been feeling lost as of late - lonely and alone.

Defeated.  - 52 weeks of writing isn't going well - victory is always just beyond the grasp of my straining fingertips and my feeble thoughts.

I think that's the way it is for many of us.  Isn't it?  I hope I'm not alone, though I feel alone.  Grasping, straining, clawing my way somewhere - anywhere - and nowhere at the same time.

Sometimes, I really hate clicking through the news on MSN or local news websites - more people shooting at one another for absolutely no reason, kidnappings, torture - and yet - there is an overwhelming, yet unspoken reason that many do not want to see - pride, selfishness, entitlement. That latest shooting in California visualized for all of us the perverseness of our world - our country.  A young man, who had what our world terms as "everything" yet he had nothing.  Nothing that really mattered, nothing of eternity. No true and perfect love.  Feelings of entitlement led to defeat, destruction, and ultimately death.  While many times, it may not be in the physical sense - it almost always will manifest as defeat, destruction and death in the spiritual realm.

I'm not here to judge a life, only the one true and living God can do that.  I observe, process and wonder.  Isn't that what this blog is about?  Wonder.  While it all began with discovering wonder in the beauty of creation around me, it has expanded to the discovery of wonder in a desperate soul, the wonder of a broken relationship, and that wonder that seems to escape definition and explanation. Wonder whispers on the breezes.  It calls my name and it paints the landscapes of my soul.

I love You Lord
But I want to love You more
I need You God
But I want to need You more

I'm lost without
Your creative spark in me
I'm dead inside
Unless Your resurrection sings

I'm desperate for a desperate heart
I'm reaching out, I'm reaching

All that I am is dry bones
Without You Lord, a desert soul
I am broken but running
Towards You God, You make me whole

You are exactly what we need
Only You can satisfy

Desert Soul by Rend Collective Experiment

Week 45: Hanging In There!

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4)

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the

crown of life 

which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. (James 1:12)

This captivating photo intrigues me.  How can such a huge tree survive and grow with all those exposed roots simply hanging there and stretched across a vast cavern?  Branches sprawl out like so many bony fingers grasping for life along the beach cliff.  It's twisted trunk mimics the human body in the throes of a long jump. Indeed it's been shaped and redesigned by its environment.  Redesigned by hardship - wind, rain, earth - yet . . .

I'm struck with the sheer raw beauty of this tree - so vulnerable, yet stronger than most to survive the harsh reality of its environment.  Survival . . . erosion . . . triumph over adversity.

I'd like to think that we can all endure, persevere like this beautiful tree.  Fraught with struggles, people and circumstances trying to thwart our progress, our purpose, our hope, our families, our very souls - too many times I feel like giving in or giving up.  Yet . . . this tree clings to life, even seeks life out and goes beyond reason and science to make a way. Am I making a way when there seems to be no way?

Strong roots yield a spectacular crown of life . . . lush greenery, vibrant life, an example to all to persevere, to cling to hope, to strive for joy!

Never give up.  Life is fragile.  Joy is constant.

The crown of life is promised to those who love Him and persevere.

Winter's Cleanse

I can barely remember a winter like this one - for many it's been tough, cold, and challenging.  It's never easy shoveling snow, slipping and sliding on sidewalks and parking lots, or bundling up to brave the frigid temperatures. Fighting flu symptoms and head colds.  Our family has had our own challenges of trying to get by this winter.  Something went amiss with our well so we have had to carry water buckets up to the barn--trudging through the deep, deep snow.  We just haven't had the money to get it fixed and our electricity bills are staring us in the face--higher and higher they climb with no relief in sight.  Yes, it has been a challenging winter out on the prairie.  As we go up to the barn night after night, I try to remind myself as I tell Brinna that the pioneers so long ago had the same difficulties.  They, however, didn't have electric buckets for their horses or lights in their barns. At least we have those small comforts.

 

Despite all these things, I'm not one to normally complain about my circumstances.  Instead, I always try to seek after what I can learn through the circumstances or get a glimpse of God's work and wonder.  It's no different through this current snow storm.  I recently read another blog post from People of the Second Chance that spoke to the fact that snow covers up all the dirty things in life, but it's a false cover because the rotting leaves and dirt below, left over from the damp fall, are still there. Much like the rotting bits of sin in our lives, we can't cover it up with niceties and pretensions.  Only a thorough cleansing from the one true God can cleanse us from our sin.  What a marvelous thought - I'm still ruminating over that imagine of covering up my sin, wondering what sin I'm trying to cover up with my positive attitude or my smiling exterior.

I LOVE snow - even struggling through this overwhelming Snowmagedon of 2014, I still LOVE it.  It's beauty, it's purity, it's silent majesty all enchant me.  It covers our world with a chill - a frosty and creative reminder of the One True Artist we serve.

“As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” (Isaiah 55:10-11 NIV)

Two are better than one . . .

The following passage from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 was chosen by my husband and I some 32 years ago to represent how we felt about our life together. My husband designed the cover for our wedding program featuring a cross and the three strands of rope representing our eternal bond with each other and God.

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart."

As I made my usual late night trek back from the horse barn, crunching in the snow and slip sliding around, I was reminded of many scenes of two romping through the prairie snow, slipping and sliding, falling, and tumbling, I thought of this passage and the importance of lifting one another up. We all slip and slide around, sometimes falling on our faces. But, what if we fall and there is no one to pick us up, to bandage our wounds, to carry us inside to the warmth of a fire? What if?

"The steps of a man are established by the Lord; And He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; because the Lord is the One who holds his hand." Ps. 37:23, 24

For, it is better that we go through life with a companion—someone to lift us up when we fall, someone to work alongside us in faith, someone to keep us warm, and someone to strengthen us, someone to encourage and love us. Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.

I'm reminded of the following quote from the movie Shall We Dance:

“We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.'"

While I don't agree with minimizing the value of one life, this quote does convey the importance of caring for another individual and the importance of keeping a promise to another human being—being faithful and being there through the good times as well as the bad – every day, all the time, even when it hurts.

What if we have no one to lift us up? God designed us to share life together—to be there for another. We need one another's love and care so desperately, especially in this mixed-up and crazy world. Don't let another day go by without being there for someone, without opening yourself up to the possibility of companionship—mutual respect, honor and love. And, be an example of respect and honor to someone whom God has brought into your life.

Be the heart.

Walls That Divide--Ties That Bind

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity! (Psalms 133:1)

The walls that divide Christianity are numerous—sharp bricks and weighty stones of doctrine which too frequently we use to build walls of separation or cast at one another in ignorance, fear or selfishness; and yes, even hatred. Jesus rebuked the scribes and Pharisees who sought to persecute an adulterous woman by saying “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” (John 8:7 NASB) He went one step further than most of us would by saying, “Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on sin no more.” (John 8:11)

Our Heavenly Father does not condone our sins, neither does he condemn us for our failures. Yet, how many stony words of condemnation do we throw at those of differing faiths instead of practicing godliness and sharing gentle expressions of compassion, tolerance, and understanding? It's a thought-provoking, teeth-clenching question for most of us. Recognizing the ties that bind us together as a unified community of believers is critical to help us move beyond our prejudices.

While not a staple in many Christian denominations, the Apostles Creed still provides a singular doctrine of faith which calls us to unity. While historians have researched its origins for centuries, most experts believe the creed dates to the first century – at least in some form, superseding nearly all of the modern-day churches, except the Catholic Church from whence it has its origins. The message of the creed is plain, simple, yet profound. It describes the trinity; the deity of Jesus Christ, His miraculous birth and resurrection; as well as the promise of eternal life.

I believe in God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth.

And in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died and was buried. He ascended into heaven and sits at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty. From thence He will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church, the communion of saints, the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting.

Amen.

As children of God, do we truly believe in the communion of saints? The word “communion” infers we are in accord with other believers; that we have a deep fellowship, togetherness, union.

However, an intimate examination of our hearts reveals discord—deep-seated prejudices and long-standing fears of those within the body of Christ who adhere to differing belief systems. Needless to say, the body of Christ is not truly “in communion;” instead, it is fractured and broken.

Decades after his passing, the words of Martin Luther King still challenge us to live as one people in communion. His words speak to us, not only of racial unit, but of harmony among all brothers and sisters in Christ.

“When we allow freedom to ring—when we let it right from every city and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children—black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual “Free at Last, Great God A-mighty, we are free at last.”

Seeds of divisiveness and prejudice have been planted over centuries. Let us now uproot those obnoxious and prolific weeds and plant seeds of forgiveness and God's grace. Paul exhorted the Philippians to “be of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.” (Phil. 2:2)

These are the ties that bind us together: the holy scriptures, God's merciful grace, and our common faith in one God, one Savior, Jesus Christ, and the power of His resurrection to save our searching souls.

"I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all." (Eph. 4:1-6)

Walk in a worthy manner – Preserve the unity – Remember your calling.

One hope – One Lord – One faith – One baptism – One God and Father of All.

52 Weeks of Writing--A Challenge for 2014

Looking Forward~

Around the first of every year, I think every pastor or priest I've ever known feels obligated to challenge his flock to set goals, to look at life in a new way, to start afresh for the coming annum. To make plans and keep them. Those sermons never cease to surprise me. While you'd think, who could ever say something new? How could I be challenged once again? What could I possibly learn? Yet . . .

Every year, I seem to hear life from a new perspective. I collect courage and hope as new companions along the journey. This year, however, was even more surprising for something special was heralded from the pulpit--and it wasn't only Pastor Pat's soothing, familiar voice--it was the voice of a caring Father. A Father who wanted me to know that what I had been hearing in my head for months on end was indeed His voice.

"O taste and see that the Lord is good . . . " - a simple phrase reverberating in my head and heart for oh so very long. But, what does it mean?

As usual with God's word, there are a multitude of meanings behind and within. Sometimes my mind wants to explode--wondering, analyzing. God's word is the breath of heaven--it breathes and heaves and declares and commands. Yet . . . all I need do is listen and rest and (that awful word) wait. Seems I've been doing a lot of that lately (years now actually).

So I'm sure you're wondering now, what did I take away from that December 29, 2013 sermon. Well, before the sermon even really started in earnest, here is what I wrote:

52 weeks of writings

Taste and see that the Lord is good

What verse did Pastor Pat share several minutes into his sermon? Yep, you guessed it: Psalms 34:8 O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.

Personally, I don't like New Year's resolutions. They are trite, full of themselves, and under normal circumstances highly unattainable. Oh, and did I mention frustrating and downright demeaning?

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I believe it's time to succumb to the triteness and get on with something that really matters. Writing. At least that's what matters to me and I believe deep down it's what matters to God because it is His gift behind and within. As Pastor Pat said, "we cannot change ourselves; only God can change us to the degree that we are willing to submit to Him." What will you do with your gift? Will you submit or succumb? Taste and see . . .

Where Have All The Servants Gone?

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing; that you may prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, . . . " (Phil. 2:14-15 NASB)

Three weeks since a hard crash into a rocky gravel driveway sent me into a comatose, dependent state of being. Not literally without consciousness, but figuratively it would seem.

It's been a state of grief - aloneness - and helplessness. And, it's also a wake-up call to the feelings I'm sure will surface when I'm 108 and can no longer feed myself or perhaps walk to the bathroom unassisted. It's a sobering thought - this growing older, tables turned topsy turvy.

One shining star, though, brought light and encouragement from a very unexpected place--one of my co-workers. This young man, born the year I graduated from high school, is a breath of fresh air in my workplace. In the two years I have known him, I have rarely seen him not grinning wide, full of exuberance for life. He's a former New Yorker from the Bronx with Midwestern ways it would seem.

His tattoed visage, rough language, and dubious past mask a servant heart that seems to know no bounds. He is a rare gem among the litter of this ugly world. And, while he's no church-goer, it doesn't matter because he lives the life of service. Paul writes in Philippians: "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." (Phil. 2: 3, 4 NASB) That is his mantra.

The Saturday after I broke my arm, this young man called our company owner to get my phone number so he could "check up on me." Our owner's wife called me as well and their two calls meant so much to me--concern, love, honor.

Just about every day or so I receive the privilege of watching him in action--serving customers, helping out in some way and he continues to make it a point to ask me how I'm feeling. He blesses my soul.

Have you blessed someone's soul today? Taken time to smile? Shared a story or your heart with someone? Said "thank you"? Offered assistance? All it takes is a few simple lines in a text message, a phone call, or simply a smile to brighten this world and be a light in someone's darkness. You CAN make all the difference.

Why not try it?

Pain of This Earth - Things Above

Yes, that is pain. I'm really tired of the pain and suffering of this life. Some days I just want to give up on everything and everyone. How did Jesus do it, dying, being tortured, and suffering for our petty sins and selfishness? He was the God-man, though. That's how. Then we, selfish humans that we are treat one another with little regard. We are so full of ourselves, our own pettyness, that we disregard the feelings of others. We shamefully think of our own pain, our own supposed suffering without seeing the pain of the Cross, the pain of our neighbor, our friends, our family.

I shake my head in disbelief at the lack of caring, the behavior that eats away at our very souls. Pain is a vast feeling of nothingness, an endless, mindless chasm of tears and suffering. Maybe pain is like hell only its right here on earth, every day surrounding us, engulfing us.

Like a fire – it consumes us – destroying the very fabric of our souls. Crackling, spitting, scorching flames that suck the oxygen from us leaving us breathless and stunned.

Yes, that is pain. A violent brush fire that destroys and then leaves us with nothingness. The aching, the internal hollow feeling that lingers is wretched.

That is indeed the pain I've been feeling for some time now. It's inexplicable--yet somehow so tangible I can feel it, see it, touch it, smell it.

I apologize to my readers for this foray into the deep darkness of the human soul, because I know it's somewhere many dare not venture. Some hide in silence, while others hide in shadows, hoping no one will see their pain. I hide here in words on a blog that very few read. So, it's safe to say that my pain will remain virtually undiscovered. And, do not worry over me because the writing is a way through the pain. And, beyond all this there is a higher hope, a confident clarity and a purposeful journey ever pulling me upward.

I find it is interesting that tonight ushered in a full moon – so appropriate with all its connotations of disaster, predators hunting the weak and werewolves baying. Despite all the pain and suffering in this world, both physical and psychological, there is one thing that remains – I AM. The beginning and the end; Alpha & Omega.

"Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth." (Colossians 3:2)

"And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity." Colossians 3:12-14

Our Little Wise Owl

July 1, 1992, 2:32 a.m. Overland Park, KS Humana Hospital

A little sprite of a girl was born this morning 20 years ago. From the very beginning, I knew this one would be very special. Many times, the second child lives in the shadow of the older and I believe she did for a time.

But her own personality came out early one - a determined spirit, but one that above all is sensitive, loving and caring.

I can remember many times her coming home from school with stories to tell of classmates who had been wronged by another. She would grieve over their pain - and it wasn't something she could let go of very easily. Such a testimony to her caring spirit - her empathetic nature. And, her sense of moral justice. Quite an unusual characteristic for one so young.

My husband and I had this crazy idea to try to choose Irish names for our kids and when the second one came along, we debated over several different names - landing on Aubrey Shannon. Now for those of you who may know, the name Aubrey is not Irish (oops). No - its roots are Germanic/French and it means "blond ruler" or "king of the elves." At the time, we didn't even really look at the meaning too closely - we just liked the name. The middle name was a bit easier - (like the River Shannon in Ireland). It's origins are Irish and the meaning is "little wise owl."

But those who know her best know her independence and determination shine forth. There are "deep waters" within Aubrey that are yet to be tapped and I look forward to watching her continue to grow and develop as she now enters her 20s.

From early on, we suspected chocolate would be a large part of her life. And, that has definitely proved itself out as we have experienced first hand her love of pastry and baking.

The last five years, Aubrey has immersed herself in what she loves best - the hard work and joy of baking and culinary arts. Her creativity blossomed in this endeavor because she flourishes when she can work with her hands and create something new. She loves to try new things and her newest endeavors with raw desserts has been a joy to watch and be a part of.

So, Happy Birthday, Daughter #2! I am so blessed and honored that God chose me to be your Mom for a short time on this earth. I'm so thankful that our Heavenly Father has known and will know you for an eternity. Love ya!

To Whom It May Concern

To Whom It May Concern~

Five words we use when we really don't know to whom we're writing. A bit nonchalant. A trifle lackadasical. Noncommital really.

Tonight I was asked to write one of these letters so it got me thinking about the whole salutation thing and then it dawned on me that it's definitely a symptom of what our society has evolved into - unconcerned, lazy, and . . . well, you get the picture.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting in judgment - it's just an observation from my miniscule brain cells. Sometimes, I've been told, I really think too much. Or, I think about some nonsensical things - blow them out of proportion. Probably like I'm doing tonight in this strange blog entry.

But I digress so back to the topic. Isn't it a shame that many times we don't know to whom to address a letter or an inquiry. Some mysterious person is hiding behind obscurity. It would seem that if we don't have a real name, we then become unsure if our request or inquiry will ever get heard.

I'm so glad the God of the universe isn't hiding in anonymity. I'm delighted that He has made Himself known to me. He is Yahweh - the Creator of the Universe. He's also Abba - Father. I can call him Father! I can address him by name and his mailing address is right here, right now--past, present & future. Alpha & Omega - Beginning & the End.

". . . and I will call on the name of the Lord, and the God who answers by fire, He is God." (I Kings 18:24b, NASB)

Thanks for enduring my bit of oddity this day. And, don't forget to call on His name. He's there--yesterday, today and forever! Amen.

"Say What? Who Me?"

"Yes, you!"

Giraffes are an interesting lot. This little guy's tongue is 18" long! He loves acacia leaves and he can eat 75 pounds of them in a day. And as you will see in a bit he really craves large Kansas weeds. He can drink up to 10 gallons of water in a day and has four stomachs much like our neighbor - the cow. He has a large, loving heart at two feet long and 25 pounds and it pumps about 16 gallons of blood every minute! He has the highest blood pressure of any mammal on earth and that wonderful heart beats 170 beats per minute. Amazing facts for the elegant giraffe. He is definitely one amazing creature. And learning all this now reaffirms what I experienced at the Topeka Zoo on Saturday.

It was a close encounter of the long-necked, curious kind. This little guy (if you can call him "little) entertained Brinna & I for quite some time. Watching his languid movements and his inquisitive, friendly ways was a real treat.

Watch & learn . . . persevere. Show a lot of heart. All the best things are within reach if we just have a little faith. Those expressive eyes - trusting - confident - steady. So full of faith and heart. Just another example of God's magnificent hand in every part of His creation.

If you want to read more about giraffes - I recommend the book Tall Blondes by Lynn Sherr - still in print and available on Amazon.com at http://www.amazon.com/Tall-Blondes-Book-About-Giraffes/dp/0836227697. They are truly amazing animals.

A Walk Through Daybreak

Saturday I awakened to a six o'clock blackness--quiet and full of promise. Expectant adventure. Painted heavens. Monet light. Refreshed peony petals, awash in morning dew. Prairie walk of wonders.

Unfathomable glory in a morning nature walk. I so wish the rest of my family could experience the wonder, see the glory, understand my crazy nature notions. Guess I'm too much like my dad - lovin' the land, inhaling the fragrance of farm.

My older daughters have the stars of shiny city lights in their eyes. I remember that age when all I wanted was the fast-paced excitement of busy streets, exotic restaurants and entertainment choices. Experience has changed all of that; maybe it's the face of a life learned. Something heard from afar; beauty all around.

Experience has gone beyond--grown into something sacred--wonder, awe, contentment, peace.

Splendor and majesty are before Him, Strength and beauty are in His sanctuary (Psalms 96:6 NASB).

Even one of our cats enjoyed the tall grasses--hiding, stalking, playing. Glassy eyes pointed on its prey. Ringed tail at attention, saluting the dawn.

Criss-crossing hillsides dotted with Spring flowers--iris, nameless, nomad wild flowers, and pink prairie roses blushing as they meet the sun.

Then there are the fragile, fairy blues. Each Spring their spindly feathery stems take flight among the grasses and each year my feeble attempts at capturing their glory for the digital world falls short. The blue fades, the wind blows, something distracts from their magic. This year . . . well, you decide.

It continues to be an exercise in patience. hhmmm? But despite their ever-frustrating behavior, I persevere because something tells me the pursuit of grace is all worth it.

It's another step of walking through daybreak.

The Wee Hours

Are you a night owl or a night predator, prowling the moon-lit nights seeking prey? Or, are you at the opposite of the light spectrum and are a child of the morning light? Are you one of those people whose internal clock is set to pre-dawn timing so you can watch the Eastern sky stretch open its eyelids to greet the pink glow of another day?

Lately, I've been a bit of both worlds - attempting to stretch myself way beyond the limits of healthy non-sleep habits. What's gotten into me - you wonder? Well, it's a combination of many things - taxes, commitments, and striving to make more money on eBay because no matter how hard I try I still don't have enough money each month to pay necessities (groceries, gas, little things like electric bills, etc.). I also enjoy the "thrill" of the scavenger hunt through my house looking for valuables to sell, and then when they do sell - it's quite a joy to see them go out the door, sometimes to far off places like Poland and Taiwan or Canada.

It also means it's just one less thing for me to dust, one less thing to worry about and one less chain about my neck. I'm sure there's many out there who wouldn't share my twisted thinking on this issue. But when it comes to providing for my family, paying my bills, etc. - I'd much rather sell from my excess than go without the necessities. And who needs all the clutter anyway?

This whole process continues to be a lesson in simplicity, in finding grace in the midst of turmoil. It's actually a joy to rid myself of so many "things" that have had the tendency to weigh me down, to distract me from the eternal.

Actually, I've learned to see this time in my life as a time of refining, a time of perfecting, a time to rejoice in drawing ever closer to who God is and to what ultimately He has in store for me. It's not all about me - it's all about Him, for Him, and because of Him

I challenge you too, each and every one of you, to check out your shelves, search through your closets and through those cluttered drawers. Discard the useless, the excess; refabricate the old and make it new. Not just in the material things stacking up, but in matters of the heart as well.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature. The old things passed away; behold new thing have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Lenten Experiment - Day 40 Something!

How is it that old cliche goes? Better late than never. Ha ha ha. Well, I guess that about sums up my struggle this week with completing my commitment to my blog for Lent. Easter weekend was busy with commitments and activities despite our small family. And, as I began to reflect more on how to summarize the Lenten blog experience, I got bogged down in a quagmire of indecision and exhaustion.

Here it is Friday after Easter, 4:47 a.m. and I decided it is very important to finish what I started no matter what time it is, no matter how tired I am, and no matter whether I finish successfully or not (at least in my own limited mindscape).

I've felt for some time that the summation of 40 days of thoughts might be a bit daunting task to undertake. And, frankly, I may ruminate over this thing a bit more before I get it all down on cyber-paper. The 40 days of Lent have revealed much to me about wonder, family, life, death, God's work in this world and in my life and many other things.

To begin, I need to share a list of words that summarize this recent learning experience.

Life

Death

Family

Contemplation

Understanding

Darkness

Light

Chosen

Joyful

Hope

Blessings

Faith

Listening

Peace

Observation

Friends

Encouragement

Persevere

Prayer

Penitence

Giving

Self-Denial

Last night I watched another Skit Guys video on YouTube and it spoke to me in a deep way because as I tallied up the list of words that capsulized the Lenten Experiment, I realized those words represented something much more. While, just words, they are qualities, attitudes, ideas, and thoughts that have indeed enriched and shaped my existence. Simply put, they have been tools in God's hands - tools to mold me into something new; someone new.

So, watch God's Chisel from the Skit Guys and let it shape your thoughts, your heart, your life. Only as we submit to God's work in our life, can we truly grow and develop and become more like Him. We are God's masterpiece!

Lenten Experiment - Day 36 (Chosen)

Rejected. Defeated. Worn out.

Those are feelings I'm sure many of us have had at one time or another. This world we live in makes sure of it. It's how I've been feeling lately. And, I just can't seem to shake it off - even right now this very minute.

Then, a few days ago I picked up a book from my shelf that I never got the chance to finish. Life of the Beloved by Henri J.M. Nouwen.

For those of you who might not know, Henri Nouwen was a Catholic priest and he wrote this book for his friend Fred Bratman, a secular journalist and Jew. His friend had asked him to write a book explaining the spiritual life avoiding theological jargon and technical language. Though simple in language, this book is powerful and deep in thought.

"The eyes of love have seen you as precious, as of infinite beauty, as of eternal value." In this messed up world we live in, it's extremely easy to lose sight of this simple, basic truth. And, that is what has happened to me. We all look to others for affirmation, acceptance and support. While there's nothing wrong with that, our identity/our belovedness/our chosenness is rooted and grounded in the Creator and always should be.

This thought of being beloved is difficult in a society and culture that seems to many times be corrupt as well as devalue the individual. We have to cut through the garbage and dig deep to find the truth. And, what is that ultimate truth?

You are a chosen child of God. You are precious in His sight--beloved as only He can love--and held safe in His embrace.

I am just beginning to mine all the treasures within this tiny volume, but already there is much to ponder, much to pray over, and much to discover.

During this beautiful Easter season, while watching the red buds bloom and the flowers stretch to meet the warmth of the sun, let's all rejoice in whose we are--His beloved.

Lenten Experiment - Day 32 (Frequent Companions)

Life and death are frequent companions.

This week I've seen them once again vying for my attention, silently sitting at my doorstep, patiently watching and waiting. They have stories to tell. Sadness and joy; struggle and pain; beauty and hope.

In the midst of the birth pangs of Spring, tiny reminders of the shortness and sacredness of life surrounded us. From the flattened toad on the driveway to the gnawed-on rabbit I found in our yard yesterday, life cycles are an imminent part of this life. Even the turn of seasons reminds us of this fact - it is ever before us.

It's also evident in the illness that has afflicted one of our 13-year-old male dogs. Watching his deterioration the past couple of weeks has been disheartening. Both he and his littermate, Chubby, have been hardy souls. Just last week, he was following me up to the barn to feed horses, as has always been his habit. Then, this week, with each passing day, he showed increasingly more distress.

Crackers himself has survived being hit by a car and Parvovirus and then last summer he was stepped on by one of our horses. Life in the country can be a challenge and we've seen that in these many circumstances, and in the struggles we currently face. He's a survivor though. He's proved it over and over again.

Tonight when I got home from work he was more alert and even ate some meat I hand-fed him. He showed signs of feeling better and I was encouraged. He's drinking water better and I'm ever hopeful that "this too shall pass."

When I started this blog yesterday I honestly thought that it was the end for our sweet dog, but as I've found in every situation--there is ALWAYS hope.

Whether it's the hope of new life in the colors of Spring or the hope of a peaceful passing to a new future, there is ALWAYS hope.

My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him. (Ps. 62:5 NASB)

Lenten Experiment - Day 29 (Our Little Drop of Water)

Nine years ago today, a very special person entered this world. She is the smallest, youngest of three sisters. Created for this time, this place, this little girl is my daughter, Brinna. Her name is a derivative of Brenna or Brianna which is from old Gaelic. It literally means "little drop of water" or "noble, high, exalted."

And, she has indeed provided refreshment to our family's soul - our little drop of water. From early on, she showed us her noble character, her generous spirit, her love of others. As her mother, I couldn't be more proud of her. It's not easy having a child at 42, but God had plans to enlarge and enhance our family and his plans are always true.

Brinna was born on a Sunday morning - right in the middle of church services. Ha - she knew her place right from the very beginning I think. The old Mother Goose rhyme says, "But the child born on the Sabbath day is fair and wise and good and gay." That indeed says it all.

This little sprite has given us all much to ponder, much to appreciate, and much to learn. The most important lesson, though, I've learned from Brinna is joy.

Thank you, Daughter #3. I'm so very glad God shared your special spirit with us!

Lenten Experiment - Day 20

One of my favorite things is fog. It conjures up visions of 1930s Sherlock Holmes' movies on a fuzzy 1960s black & white TV. Earlier mornings with that certain "bite" in the air brings a shiver of wonder down my back that is almost indescribable.

It's not tangible, yet its palatable. Right now I hear my dogs howling, faced toward the smokiness that seems to have crossed the road and is heading up our field toward the house. It wasn't there 30 minutes ago when I snapped these photos. It's on the move, much like the handiwork of God--always in motion, always alive. And, what has created that movement? The sun, of course.

The mystery and intrique of a foggy morning is a delight for it speaks of a God moving down to earth to perform His wonders.

"Bow Thy heavens, O Lord, and come down; touch the mountains, that they may smoke." (Ps. 144:5 NASB)

Lenten Experiment - Day 19 (Preparing for Leprechauns)

Children have such imaginations and my little Brinna is no exception.

As St. Patrick's Day nears, visions of leprechauns are dancing in her head. It must be the double strain of Irish ancestors that populate our family or . . . could it be those silly stories I've filled her head with about leaping leprechauns lose in the nearby woods.

Anyway, whatever it is, yesterday's beautiful weather led her outside on a scavenger hunt for greenery, wood planks, bark and all matter of woody materials to create an abode for the elusive "little people." She spent a good part of the afternoon creating her masterpiece.

On the way to church this morning, we talked about the little house and I found it interesting that it showed a good deal of preparation on her part & expectation that the home would be habitable and "someone" would find his or her way to live within its cozy timbers. Even found a verse from Proverbs that mirrored her efforts: "Prepare your work outside, and make it ready for yourself in the field; afterwards, then, build your house." (Prov. 24:27 NASB)

As if that wasn't enough inspiration, it seemed like a good lesson for me as well. Do I prepare my place for God's coming? Just as His Son went before me to prepare a place for me in heaven, so I should be ready when He comes back for me.

One little eight-year-old is anticipating big things in a tiny dwelling place next week . . . and so should I.

In My Father's house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. (John 14:2,3 NASB)