August 3, 1918 - A Mother Remembered . . . and Much, Much More

Ninety-four years ago my mother was born in St. Louis--the only child to a couple (one Irish and another French/Austrian--both first generation Americans).

I remember her today, and as always, try to spend the day reflecting on who she was as a person, how her character impacted mine, and how she influenced me. Earlier this year, I wrote about her in memory of the day she died (March 16, 1998).

Today, however, as I reflect on that special relationship between mothers and daughters, I would be remiss in not mentioning the greatest blessing to my life--my three daughters. My mother and I were only daughters--only children. It's not easy being an "only." You grow up playing alone, make-believe games with imaginery friends. And, now, as an adult, with my parents both gone, I feel it even more--the aloneness of no siblings. On the flip side, it also makes you more independent.

Now as a 50-something mom, I can sit back and realize that there is no greater honor and privilege than knowing my three daughters. Because His plans are true, God placed them here on this earth at their perfect time in history - He created them each with special and unique qualities like no one else on this planet. Their laughter, their warm hearts, their beauty inside and out humbles me like no other.

Each one was created for a special purpose . . . and they can do nothing to disappoint me--ever. I am so proud of the beautiful women they are becoming.

And, despite my insane nature right now, my three daughters are treasures sent from heaven. They are shimmering gems--lighting up my darkness on this day when I remember my Mom and our short 38 years together. I so wish that my Mom was here to see her darling grandaughters and experience the joy I do each and every day knowing they share life with me.

Side note: At the grocery store tonight, I made an impulse buy in the frozen food aisle--Stouffer's Mac & Cheese. I think it was sub-conscious, but when I got home I realized that my Mom loved Stouffer's Mac & Cheese. After my Dad died, she didn't cook as much and it was something easy for her to prepare to share with Meghan & Aubrey when they came to visit. Cheers to Mom--Brinna, Ron & I indulged in this sinful, carbohydrate-drenched side dish tonight. Just sad that Meghan & Aubrey missed the pre-celebration.

A Walk Through Daybreak

Saturday I awakened to a six o'clock blackness--quiet and full of promise. Expectant adventure. Painted heavens. Monet light. Refreshed peony petals, awash in morning dew. Prairie walk of wonders.

Unfathomable glory in a morning nature walk. I so wish the rest of my family could experience the wonder, see the glory, understand my crazy nature notions. Guess I'm too much like my dad - lovin' the land, inhaling the fragrance of farm.

My older daughters have the stars of shiny city lights in their eyes. I remember that age when all I wanted was the fast-paced excitement of busy streets, exotic restaurants and entertainment choices. Experience has changed all of that; maybe it's the face of a life learned. Something heard from afar; beauty all around.

Experience has gone beyond--grown into something sacred--wonder, awe, contentment, peace.

Splendor and majesty are before Him, Strength and beauty are in His sanctuary (Psalms 96:6 NASB).

Even one of our cats enjoyed the tall grasses--hiding, stalking, playing. Glassy eyes pointed on its prey. Ringed tail at attention, saluting the dawn.

Criss-crossing hillsides dotted with Spring flowers--iris, nameless, nomad wild flowers, and pink prairie roses blushing as they meet the sun.

Then there are the fragile, fairy blues. Each Spring their spindly feathery stems take flight among the grasses and each year my feeble attempts at capturing their glory for the digital world falls short. The blue fades, the wind blows, something distracts from their magic. This year . . . well, you decide.

It continues to be an exercise in patience. hhmmm? But despite their ever-frustrating behavior, I persevere because something tells me the pursuit of grace is all worth it.

It's another step of walking through daybreak.

The Wee Hours

Are you a night owl or a night predator, prowling the moon-lit nights seeking prey? Or, are you at the opposite of the light spectrum and are a child of the morning light? Are you one of those people whose internal clock is set to pre-dawn timing so you can watch the Eastern sky stretch open its eyelids to greet the pink glow of another day?

Lately, I've been a bit of both worlds - attempting to stretch myself way beyond the limits of healthy non-sleep habits. What's gotten into me - you wonder? Well, it's a combination of many things - taxes, commitments, and striving to make more money on eBay because no matter how hard I try I still don't have enough money each month to pay necessities (groceries, gas, little things like electric bills, etc.). I also enjoy the "thrill" of the scavenger hunt through my house looking for valuables to sell, and then when they do sell - it's quite a joy to see them go out the door, sometimes to far off places like Poland and Taiwan or Canada.

It also means it's just one less thing for me to dust, one less thing to worry about and one less chain about my neck. I'm sure there's many out there who wouldn't share my twisted thinking on this issue. But when it comes to providing for my family, paying my bills, etc. - I'd much rather sell from my excess than go without the necessities. And who needs all the clutter anyway?

This whole process continues to be a lesson in simplicity, in finding grace in the midst of turmoil. It's actually a joy to rid myself of so many "things" that have had the tendency to weigh me down, to distract me from the eternal.

Actually, I've learned to see this time in my life as a time of refining, a time of perfecting, a time to rejoice in drawing ever closer to who God is and to what ultimately He has in store for me. It's not all about me - it's all about Him, for Him, and because of Him

I challenge you too, each and every one of you, to check out your shelves, search through your closets and through those cluttered drawers. Discard the useless, the excess; refabricate the old and make it new. Not just in the material things stacking up, but in matters of the heart as well.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature. The old things passed away; behold new thing have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)