Fragility - It's You I Need

And, you thought you could get rid of me that easily. Well, it's not happening. I know. I know. You needn't remind me that I've been a bit lackadasical since the Lenten Experiment whipped my butt just a few short weeks ago.

"A bit lackadasical?"

"C'mon - downright lazy, I'd say."

Looking way back to sometime mid-February when the Lenten Experiment launched its monumental work in my life, I made the crazy boast about making the habit of writing every day would be easy once I mastered it for the 40 days of Lent.

As expected, this has not come to pass. I've shown my true colors, that most unpleasant of characteristics--fragility. And, that monster of all monsters - unfaithfulness. My inability to form a habit.

At least I am comforted by the fact that I'm probably not alone in this. As humans, we are all fragile, vulnerable. As fragile as a wind-blown tender blade of first Spring grass.

Then looking out over a well-tended, manicured landscape of Kentucky Bluegrass, its obvious that that single shoot wasn't meant to go it alone. Solitary aloneness doesn't come easy for the grasses. They need the stability, strength of one another to fight the winds. Intertwining roots and worms - rich, musky earth - bonding, shared experiences.

Growing up wild and untamed, yet rooted and grounded. Full of promise . . . alive and green.

It's YOU I need. It's friends. It's family. It's enemies. It's a wealth of ancient words with emblazoned meanings. It's Jesus.

Lenten Experiment - Day 40 Something!

How is it that old cliche goes? Better late than never. Ha ha ha. Well, I guess that about sums up my struggle this week with completing my commitment to my blog for Lent. Easter weekend was busy with commitments and activities despite our small family. And, as I began to reflect more on how to summarize the Lenten blog experience, I got bogged down in a quagmire of indecision and exhaustion.

Here it is Friday after Easter, 4:47 a.m. and I decided it is very important to finish what I started no matter what time it is, no matter how tired I am, and no matter whether I finish successfully or not (at least in my own limited mindscape).

I've felt for some time that the summation of 40 days of thoughts might be a bit daunting task to undertake. And, frankly, I may ruminate over this thing a bit more before I get it all down on cyber-paper. The 40 days of Lent have revealed much to me about wonder, family, life, death, God's work in this world and in my life and many other things.

To begin, I need to share a list of words that summarize this recent learning experience.

Life

Death

Family

Contemplation

Understanding

Darkness

Light

Chosen

Joyful

Hope

Blessings

Faith

Listening

Peace

Observation

Friends

Encouragement

Persevere

Prayer

Penitence

Giving

Self-Denial

Last night I watched another Skit Guys video on YouTube and it spoke to me in a deep way because as I tallied up the list of words that capsulized the Lenten Experiment, I realized those words represented something much more. While, just words, they are qualities, attitudes, ideas, and thoughts that have indeed enriched and shaped my existence. Simply put, they have been tools in God's hands - tools to mold me into something new; someone new.

So, watch God's Chisel from the Skit Guys and let it shape your thoughts, your heart, your life. Only as we submit to God's work in our life, can we truly grow and develop and become more like Him. We are God's masterpiece!

Lenten Experiment - Day 37 & 38 (Reflections on Easter)

As I look back at my Lenten Experiment these past several weeks, I'm reminded of Lent as a child and what it meant to me. Growing up in the Catholic Church, all I recall about Lent was keeping to a fishy diet on Fridays and giving up chocolate or candy. It seemed like the adults were more reverent during that time. However, as my Mom prepared me for Easter Sunday, it was all about donning a pretty new dress with white shoes and receiving brightly colored wicker baskets full of plastic green grass cushioning colorful arrays of foil wrapped chocolate eggs and chewy jelly beans. And, of course, the abundance and glory of Easter dinner. My mom literally didn't know how to cook for just three of us. I never understood how an only child such as herself cooked for an army. I think she just liked to try new side dishes.

The obligatory Easter Egg Hunt would commence on Sunday morning even before we went to Mass. It was always a rush around the house for lone, little me. Being an only child, it all was MINE--solid chocolate bunnies, jelly beans (black & orange ones are my favs), large Russell Stover chocolate eggs stuffed with coconut cream, maple (yucky!), strawberry and vanilla cream.

This Easter will be much different than those of my childhood. While I have tried to carry on the traditions established by my mom, this year will be much different. Our family is no longer in tact and we are missing those dear to us who cannot be here this year. It just doesn't "feel" like Easter. Once again, I find myself having unreasonable expectations about what the "perfect" holiday should look like. I know it's crazy, but I've always longed for a larger extended family, but when you and your husband are only children and all your parents are gone, the extended family, the support system just doesn't exist.

It will be a "lean" Easter this year - no extravegant meal, no new Easter bonnets or dresses, no Easter candy, no frivolities - simplicity will be the order of the day. And, as I reflect on this, it'a all about viewing the day with a grateful heart for those who are here, for the time we have, for the miraculous gift of this most sacred of days. For many, Christmas is probably the highlight of the year, but when weighed next to Easter and its true meaning, there is no greater celebration than the meaning of the cross.

Lenten Experiment - Day 12 (Brinna's Water Story)

On the way home from church today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter Brinna how her Lenten project was coming. She's been so faithful to work at her commitment to only drink water for the 40 days of Lent. Today is day 8 for her because a couple of days went by before she heard about Blood: Water Mission through K-Love's morning show. This organization, founded by the band Jars of Clay, is working across Africa to bring clean water to those in need. It's unbelievable, but $1 will provide a year's worth of water to someone in Africa. Such a simple task for us, yet in Uganda 30% of their total population of 32 million souls do not have access to clean drinking water.

Nearly immediately upon hearing of the project, she wanted to get involved and try to drink water every day. The first couple of days she had juice or milk a couple of times before she realized she had promised to drink only water. I told her, "That's okay. Just do your best." And, it was then I decided to challenge her to stay true to her commitment by promising to donate $1 to Blood:Water Mission for every day she drinks only water. My proposal is a bit different than the original intent to donate the money saved buying coffee, juice, milk, soda and donate that, but I thought it would be easier for her to understand $1/day.

If you want to read more about it check out the website at http://40days.bloodwatermission.com/how-to-take-part/

Follow Brinna on her journey this Lent - I'm so proud of her. I'll keep you posted on her progress.

Lenten Experiment - Day 10 (My Drivel Needed a Little Sharpening)

Today, Friday, March 2nd I have struggled all day with the focus of my blog entry. Is it because I lack the creativity to day-after-day churn out meaningful drivel? Or have I tapped the minutia of data in my brain already? It's probably a combination of both. LOL

So, at the suggestion of someone close to me (you know who you are) and without further ado, I will begin today's entry rambling along without much purpose or direction. You, the reader, will probably lose interest quite quickly when you become frustrated with my meanderings. Or, you might just become curious and follow along because you have nothing else better to do on a lazy Saturday morning. I promise I'll keep it short.

I was discussing my blog entry this evening with this same dear friend and he suggested simply that this day's blog entry could actually evolve into a purposeful meditation on the lack of purpose or some such thought as this. I'm probably not getting his complete thought quite right because I doubt at this late hour if I am thinking in the same dimension. However, he has a wondrous gift for deep thinking that many times challenges and encourages me to think deeper myself. So, here goes nothing . . . and we're already on the third paragraph. phew . . .

The writer of Proverbs reminds me that "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." And, that is what a good friend does - he or she sharpens us - making us think beyond ourselves, stretching our faith, challenging us to go deeper in thought and relationships.

Uh oh, as crazy as this sounds, it looks like Nick was right - the blog and my ramblings actually turned into something meaningful. And, above all it demonstrated to me once again that most times to see results we have to just jump in there and "do it." Persevere, have a little trust, don't give in, look beyond yourself. Another Lenten life lesson learned.

Lenten Experiment - Day 7 (Kansas High Winds)

I know some of you out there reading this post will relate to the fact that life is not without heartache and pain. God has not promised us an easy way. Whether it be chronic health issues, pain, broken relationships, financial struggles, workplace challenges, anger, most of us have experienced some type of struggle, pain, or trial. It is an inevitable part of the broken world we live in--part of the broken people we live among. Yes, even part of our own--my own--brokenness.

Ten years ago I moved from the bulging metropolis of Kansas City and set up camp out among the tallgrass prairies of Northeast Kansas. Wagons west! And what an adventure it has been. While our two older daughters were not thrilled with the move to small town America, I have found that living on the prairie has brought with it a reverence, an awe, a wonder of creation itself. I don't miss the over-indulgence that some cities bring. I don't miss the crime. I don't miss the traffic. And, as strange as this may sound, I don't miss the shopping malls!

Instead, I love the tallgrass prairie and the roar of the wind. I love the ethnically diverse landscape that comes with a university community. I love my church. I love the open spaces and the constellations that light up my outdoor ceiling.

Depite the surrounding beauty and joy, our journey as a family has been fraught with heartaches and challenges the last several years. Much like the strong high plains winds that move across this part of the world, challenges blow hard across our paths, straining to force us off course.

It all came to me tonight on my 30 minute drive home from work. The skies were still clear, but the wind was viscious along I-70. As I drove my 3/4 ton pick-up home, it became increasingly difficult to keep it lined up straight on the road. Even with 600 pounds of sandbags in the back it wasn't enough to totally tame that prairie wind. I kept both hands on the wheel and kept my focus straight ahead--down the interstate. I determined not to deviate from my course.

Now three hours later it is evident what all the wind was about--driving rain and a laser light show of lightning entertains us across the charcoal sky.

Much like the crazy prairie high winds, the challenges in my life strain and push to move me off course and away from my ultimate purpose. I'm learning that as long as I keep both hands on the wheel and my eyes straight ahead--aimed at the end goal--I'll make it home safely.

Lenten Experiment - Day 6

Well, welcome to February 27, 2012 - Day 6 of Lent.

I have to admit that when I went to bed last night or really early this morning, I had no idea what God would put on my heart to write about today.

However, this morning when I got on the computer and went to my Facebook page, I saw in the newsfeed photos and stories from K-Love's partnership with Cure International, in particular the trip to Afghanistan to deliver handknitted hats to children in the Cure Hospital in Kabul as well as help to little Ali who is receiving corrective surgery today for his cleft palate. Thanks to lots of K-Love listeners, Ali and his family will be truly blessed.

Cure International posted on its page that they received so many hats it will take them a year to distribute all of them across the world and to lots of hospitals & lots of kids! Wow, isn't that awesome? I feel so humbled to be such a small part of that outreach. And, isn't that what Lent is all about--serving, being reminded that each and every one of us is a part of something much, much grander that we can even imagine.

My challenge each day is to look outside my own limited skin for some opportunity to make a difference. And, realizing that God has gifted me with skills, I'm reminded that He gifted me for a purpose--to love, to serve, to encourage, to share what I have. I just hope I'm up to the challenge not just during these 40 days of Lent but for the rest of my brief life on this earth. Our lives are but a vapor. Ashes to ashes . . . dust to dust.

Lenten Experiment - Day 1 (Ash Wednesday)

Day 1 of Lent – Ash Wednesday

As I reflect upon the first day of the new beginning of Lent, I am reminded that for many people Lent is simply a time “to give up something.” It is superficial, at best, just a way to go with the crowd, to follow a time-honored tradition, to exhibit a holiness that may or may not be living down in the deepest wellspring of our heart.

My intention is not to be critical--it is simply an observation and I am just as guilty of a hypocritical nature that is not very attractive.

While to deny the selfishness that enchains all of our hearts is a noble task, what does it truly accomplish in the space of a mere 40 days? For many, it does not become a habit—we simply look forward to Easter morning when we can be released from the burden of the denial and return to our selfish ways. I’m told that it takes 30 days to establish a habit. But does it really?

So what are you giving up this Lenten season? Social media? Chocolate? Fast food? Cussing? Drinking?

Or, will you--like me--think “outside of the box” and step out of your comfort zone and do something out of the ordinary? Serve someone each day, love in extraordinary ways or begin the journey of healing for your own heart? Maybe take a risk like none other. Our life on this earth is so very, very short--don't waste it.

My challenge to myself this Lent is to write a reflection each day focused on these thoughts and many more than consume my brain cells – all in hopes that I am well prepared to meet my Savior this Easter—face-to-face; mind-to-mind; heart-to-heart. Honestly, I’m not sure I’m up for the challenge. I need help each and every day, minute-by-ugly minute to process through the inadequacies of this life.

This is my Lenten Experiment.

I hope you will join me from time to time whether it be for a short read, encouragement, or to help me maneuver through the richness of the Scriptures and the vastness that is our Lord.