Fragility - It's You I Need

And, you thought you could get rid of me that easily. Well, it's not happening. I know. I know. You needn't remind me that I've been a bit lackadasical since the Lenten Experiment whipped my butt just a few short weeks ago.

"A bit lackadasical?"

"C'mon - downright lazy, I'd say."

Looking way back to sometime mid-February when the Lenten Experiment launched its monumental work in my life, I made the crazy boast about making the habit of writing every day would be easy once I mastered it for the 40 days of Lent.

As expected, this has not come to pass. I've shown my true colors, that most unpleasant of characteristics--fragility. And, that monster of all monsters - unfaithfulness. My inability to form a habit.

At least I am comforted by the fact that I'm probably not alone in this. As humans, we are all fragile, vulnerable. As fragile as a wind-blown tender blade of first Spring grass.

Then looking out over a well-tended, manicured landscape of Kentucky Bluegrass, its obvious that that single shoot wasn't meant to go it alone. Solitary aloneness doesn't come easy for the grasses. They need the stability, strength of one another to fight the winds. Intertwining roots and worms - rich, musky earth - bonding, shared experiences.

Growing up wild and untamed, yet rooted and grounded. Full of promise . . . alive and green.

It's YOU I need. It's friends. It's family. It's enemies. It's a wealth of ancient words with emblazoned meanings. It's Jesus.

Lenten Experiment - Day 40 Something!

How is it that old cliche goes? Better late than never. Ha ha ha. Well, I guess that about sums up my struggle this week with completing my commitment to my blog for Lent. Easter weekend was busy with commitments and activities despite our small family. And, as I began to reflect more on how to summarize the Lenten blog experience, I got bogged down in a quagmire of indecision and exhaustion.

Here it is Friday after Easter, 4:47 a.m. and I decided it is very important to finish what I started no matter what time it is, no matter how tired I am, and no matter whether I finish successfully or not (at least in my own limited mindscape).

I've felt for some time that the summation of 40 days of thoughts might be a bit daunting task to undertake. And, frankly, I may ruminate over this thing a bit more before I get it all down on cyber-paper. The 40 days of Lent have revealed much to me about wonder, family, life, death, God's work in this world and in my life and many other things.

To begin, I need to share a list of words that summarize this recent learning experience.

Life

Death

Family

Contemplation

Understanding

Darkness

Light

Chosen

Joyful

Hope

Blessings

Faith

Listening

Peace

Observation

Friends

Encouragement

Persevere

Prayer

Penitence

Giving

Self-Denial

Last night I watched another Skit Guys video on YouTube and it spoke to me in a deep way because as I tallied up the list of words that capsulized the Lenten Experiment, I realized those words represented something much more. While, just words, they are qualities, attitudes, ideas, and thoughts that have indeed enriched and shaped my existence. Simply put, they have been tools in God's hands - tools to mold me into something new; someone new.

So, watch God's Chisel from the Skit Guys and let it shape your thoughts, your heart, your life. Only as we submit to God's work in our life, can we truly grow and develop and become more like Him. We are God's masterpiece!

Lenten Experiment - Day 37 & 38 (Reflections on Easter)

As I look back at my Lenten Experiment these past several weeks, I'm reminded of Lent as a child and what it meant to me. Growing up in the Catholic Church, all I recall about Lent was keeping to a fishy diet on Fridays and giving up chocolate or candy. It seemed like the adults were more reverent during that time. However, as my Mom prepared me for Easter Sunday, it was all about donning a pretty new dress with white shoes and receiving brightly colored wicker baskets full of plastic green grass cushioning colorful arrays of foil wrapped chocolate eggs and chewy jelly beans. And, of course, the abundance and glory of Easter dinner. My mom literally didn't know how to cook for just three of us. I never understood how an only child such as herself cooked for an army. I think she just liked to try new side dishes.

The obligatory Easter Egg Hunt would commence on Sunday morning even before we went to Mass. It was always a rush around the house for lone, little me. Being an only child, it all was MINE--solid chocolate bunnies, jelly beans (black & orange ones are my favs), large Russell Stover chocolate eggs stuffed with coconut cream, maple (yucky!), strawberry and vanilla cream.

This Easter will be much different than those of my childhood. While I have tried to carry on the traditions established by my mom, this year will be much different. Our family is no longer in tact and we are missing those dear to us who cannot be here this year. It just doesn't "feel" like Easter. Once again, I find myself having unreasonable expectations about what the "perfect" holiday should look like. I know it's crazy, but I've always longed for a larger extended family, but when you and your husband are only children and all your parents are gone, the extended family, the support system just doesn't exist.

It will be a "lean" Easter this year - no extravegant meal, no new Easter bonnets or dresses, no Easter candy, no frivolities - simplicity will be the order of the day. And, as I reflect on this, it'a all about viewing the day with a grateful heart for those who are here, for the time we have, for the miraculous gift of this most sacred of days. For many, Christmas is probably the highlight of the year, but when weighed next to Easter and its true meaning, there is no greater celebration than the meaning of the cross.

Lenten Experiment - Day 31 (So, Who's Old?)

As an adult, what do you do when a small child says something "bad" about you? This weekend, I was confronted by this when a little girl Brinna's age turned to me and told me another little girl said something "bad" about me. My mind quickly wondered "what on earth did I do?"

Anyway, I did ask my daughter if she knew what was said and, of course, she did. As I discovered, it all revolved around the fact that I'm OLD! Yep, that's all it was. I mean isn't everyone old? Is it "bad" to be old? My eldest daughter is 23 years OLD, my middle daughter is 19 years OLD, my youngest daughter is 9 years OLD. I'm 51 years OLD. We, each of us, is some type of OLD, are't we? It is just a number, though, at its core. So what's the big deal?

Poor Brinna, though, was made to feel like an outcast because her Mom is old enough to be a grandmother. And, I can sympathize because I lived through the exact same thing having an older Mom and a Dad who was 50 years older than me. No, I'm not her grandmother, as some kids might think when they see my gray hair and wrinkles. aah . . .

And, just for the record - I don't think being 51 years OLD is bad - nope. Actually, Brinna and I had a good talk about the whole situation and, with that wonderful resilience of youth, she bounced back quickly. Her joy and acceptance, as always is an encouragement to me. We'll face these challenges together. We're family no matter how OLD we are.

Lenten Experiment - Day 29 (Our Little Drop of Water)

Nine years ago today, a very special person entered this world. She is the smallest, youngest of three sisters. Created for this time, this place, this little girl is my daughter, Brinna. Her name is a derivative of Brenna or Brianna which is from old Gaelic. It literally means "little drop of water" or "noble, high, exalted."

And, she has indeed provided refreshment to our family's soul - our little drop of water. From early on, she showed us her noble character, her generous spirit, her love of others. As her mother, I couldn't be more proud of her. It's not easy having a child at 42, but God had plans to enlarge and enhance our family and his plans are always true.

Brinna was born on a Sunday morning - right in the middle of church services. Ha - she knew her place right from the very beginning I think. The old Mother Goose rhyme says, "But the child born on the Sabbath day is fair and wise and good and gay." That indeed says it all.

This little sprite has given us all much to ponder, much to appreciate, and much to learn. The most important lesson, though, I've learned from Brinna is joy.

Thank you, Daughter #3. I'm so very glad God shared your special spirit with us!