The Heartbeat of a Savior

"There was reclining on Jesus' breast one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved." (John 13:23, NASB)

Life right now has been overly challenging for our family. Many stresses and obstacles have obstructed our paths and even threatened our vision, our focus as well.

As I reflected today on these challenges, God brought to my mind the image of the apostle John reclining on Jesus' breast during the Last Supper. Several years ago, I read some teachings on this short little verse that opened my eyes to a great many truths. And, thankfully those truths refreshed me and gave me courage once more.

First of all - a few words about John. He refers to himself as "Beloved" or "the one whom Jesus loved." Strong words indeed to indicate a very close, intimate relationship - none of the other apostles are referred to with such tenderness. He wasn't afraid to admit his closeness with His Lord, His Savior.

We are told that he was probably the youngest of Jesus' disciples and he lived the longest of all - dying on Patmos after God granted him the visionary book of Revelation. Just imagine--

* a young boy who witnessed first-hand the life, miracles, and death of the Son of God

* a young man whom Jesus gave over the care for his earthly mother Mary,

* an older man who wrote, under the power of the Holy Spirit, the most readable, yet profound gospel in the New Testament

* and, finally, an elderly man whose lasting legacy is the most complex of all Biblical texts--Revelation.

What shaped this apostle's life into the powerful man of God we know today? What made the difference in his life? Mark 3:13 reads, "And He went up to the mountain and summoned those whom He Himself wanted, and they came to Him." The twelve were chosen, each one for a reason and because Jesus Himself wanted them. However, I still find it fascinating that we don't have a book of Andrew or Philip or Bartholomew or Thomas; not Thaddaeus or Simon either. And, certainly not Judas - though his purpose was just as deliberate as the rest. While He chose them all, only a select few developed as leaders within the early Church.

I would like to think that John thrived and His ministry and legacy grew out of his intimate relationship with Jesus. He leaned backed upon Jesus' breast and listened to His heartbeat. That simple image always stops me in my tracks--Is that where I am right now? Listening to, leaning upon, learning from a God who actually wants me as a friend.

While Jesus is not with us in bodily form today, His Spirit lives in the hearts of every believer. And, the words of His mouth and the meditations of His heart lie within the pages of the Spirit-breathed Scriptures He left to us. As such, I can still hear His heartbeat--it's a privilege He has bestowed, an honor He gives me to be His child and rest in His heart.

Most importantly, to deny those precious gifts He lavished upon us (the gift of friendship & love, the gift of His word, indeed His very heart) is to deny Him.

Are you taking time to listen to His heartbeat today?

SPECIAL NOTE: The two images I've included are scans of two Catholic holy cards from my collection. As you can imagine, this particular theme is of particular interest to me and I have several cards depicting the scene from the Last Supper. The first card is written in French--(loose translation is "Lord, you are sweet nourishment for the soul and the one from whom we receive dignity and will have a part of the heritage of His eternal glory."). The second card reads: "It is there, alone with Jesus Christ that the soul tastes the full sweetness of the Holy Eucharist (P. de Ravignon)." While the word "Eucharist" is the term for Communion or The Lord's Supper in the Catholic tradition, I only just learned that the word "Eucharist" is a Greek word meaning "thanksgiving."

Armored Plated, Pre-Historic Face-Off

A Sunday afternoon drive in the country, down gravel roads, seems to always bring adventures aplenty. And, that's what Brinna and I discovered last Sunday on a remote country lane. Right smack dab in the middle of the road was a lumbering, armored plated pre-historic snapping turtle - his spiky tail dragging the ground behind him. As we approached in the noisy diesel truck, he stopped his progress.

My natural curiosity got the best of me, and while I'd seen one of these beasties before, Brinna had not had the privilege of witnessing these interesting creatures, so I insisted she get out for a look-see. Fortunately, I had my little camera with me so I could capture our adventure for posterity.

Our little friend was a common snapping turtle, not his larger, rarer cousin--the alligator snapping turtle that I had seen before in Missouri. However, that didn't make him any less formidable. As we approached him, he curled his tail around and pulled back in to that armor-plated shell.

Strangely, though, as I struggled to get closer for a better photo, he kept his head ever facing me, pivoting around to follow my every movement. If you know anything about snapping turtles, that mouth is one area that is best to avoid - they are not named "snapping" turtles without good reason. Their powerful jaws can cause serious damage.

As I watched his defensive behavior, it brought to mind how many times our human nature mimics the snapping turtle. Many times when we're having a difficult time or we get hurt or are afraid, our first instinct is to retreat into ourselves. We curl up in a little ball, put on our defensive face, and move through life with a host of defensive mechanisms - anger, silence, manipulation, etc. Anything to deal with the situation--we bare our teeth at our opponents and engage in a face-off.

So, Mr. Snapping Turtle - my lesson for the day was to get back in the truck and give you a wide berth around the road. I'm sure he was relieved that I moved on down the trail. Brinna and I had an adventure and in the process we learned some more valuable lessons.

Take it easy, Mr. Snapping Turtle - maybe we'll meet up again some day.

The Wee Hours

Are you a night owl or a night predator, prowling the moon-lit nights seeking prey? Or, are you at the opposite of the light spectrum and are a child of the morning light? Are you one of those people whose internal clock is set to pre-dawn timing so you can watch the Eastern sky stretch open its eyelids to greet the pink glow of another day?

Lately, I've been a bit of both worlds - attempting to stretch myself way beyond the limits of healthy non-sleep habits. What's gotten into me - you wonder? Well, it's a combination of many things - taxes, commitments, and striving to make more money on eBay because no matter how hard I try I still don't have enough money each month to pay necessities (groceries, gas, little things like electric bills, etc.). I also enjoy the "thrill" of the scavenger hunt through my house looking for valuables to sell, and then when they do sell - it's quite a joy to see them go out the door, sometimes to far off places like Poland and Taiwan or Canada.

It also means it's just one less thing for me to dust, one less thing to worry about and one less chain about my neck. I'm sure there's many out there who wouldn't share my twisted thinking on this issue. But when it comes to providing for my family, paying my bills, etc. - I'd much rather sell from my excess than go without the necessities. And who needs all the clutter anyway?

This whole process continues to be a lesson in simplicity, in finding grace in the midst of turmoil. It's actually a joy to rid myself of so many "things" that have had the tendency to weigh me down, to distract me from the eternal.

Actually, I've learned to see this time in my life as a time of refining, a time of perfecting, a time to rejoice in drawing ever closer to who God is and to what ultimately He has in store for me. It's not all about me - it's all about Him, for Him, and because of Him

I challenge you too, each and every one of you, to check out your shelves, search through your closets and through those cluttered drawers. Discard the useless, the excess; refabricate the old and make it new. Not just in the material things stacking up, but in matters of the heart as well.

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature. The old things passed away; behold new thing have come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Lenten Experiment - Day 40 Something!

How is it that old cliche goes? Better late than never. Ha ha ha. Well, I guess that about sums up my struggle this week with completing my commitment to my blog for Lent. Easter weekend was busy with commitments and activities despite our small family. And, as I began to reflect more on how to summarize the Lenten blog experience, I got bogged down in a quagmire of indecision and exhaustion.

Here it is Friday after Easter, 4:47 a.m. and I decided it is very important to finish what I started no matter what time it is, no matter how tired I am, and no matter whether I finish successfully or not (at least in my own limited mindscape).

I've felt for some time that the summation of 40 days of thoughts might be a bit daunting task to undertake. And, frankly, I may ruminate over this thing a bit more before I get it all down on cyber-paper. The 40 days of Lent have revealed much to me about wonder, family, life, death, God's work in this world and in my life and many other things.

To begin, I need to share a list of words that summarize this recent learning experience.

Life

Death

Family

Contemplation

Understanding

Darkness

Light

Chosen

Joyful

Hope

Blessings

Faith

Listening

Peace

Observation

Friends

Encouragement

Persevere

Prayer

Penitence

Giving

Self-Denial

Last night I watched another Skit Guys video on YouTube and it spoke to me in a deep way because as I tallied up the list of words that capsulized the Lenten Experiment, I realized those words represented something much more. While, just words, they are qualities, attitudes, ideas, and thoughts that have indeed enriched and shaped my existence. Simply put, they have been tools in God's hands - tools to mold me into something new; someone new.

So, watch God's Chisel from the Skit Guys and let it shape your thoughts, your heart, your life. Only as we submit to God's work in our life, can we truly grow and develop and become more like Him. We are God's masterpiece!

Lenten Experiment - Day 39 (A Day of Darkness)

I'm always amazed each morning as I wake up to the view outside my kitchen windows. An easterly view means most mornings I can experience the wonder of specatular light shows that many people call "dawn" as the sun makes its appearance from behind the large hill across the road. Today, misty fog and droplets of rain permeate the blackened hillsides around our home. The spacious carpeted field rolling out before the window, gives way to more fields and bushy tree sentinels guarding the streams and creeks. Then just beyond, the treetops are crowned by the barren limestone hills. These hills are now charcoaled from the recent Spring burning.

It's a most appropriate symbol for the darkness of the day before Easter. As I imagine the events of the first century, it's only fitting that today would be a day filled with regret, doubts, sorrow, fear and the overpowering stench of death.

The annual cycle of grass burning brings pungency, dense smoke to the area, ribbons of fire across the night skies, but ultimately and most importantly, it brings new life to the prairie--germinating the prairie grass seeds and revitalizing their growth across the hills. Life and death - the circle of the prairie.

So is Easter--the ultimate completion of the life and death cycle prophesied from the Ancient of Days.

A new dawn is approaching - it is imminent, certain - reassuring is the promise of Easter morning.

The Lord's lovingkindnesses never cease; His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is His faithfulness. (Lam 3:22, 23 NASB)

Lenten Experiment - Day 37 & 38 (Reflections on Easter)

As I look back at my Lenten Experiment these past several weeks, I'm reminded of Lent as a child and what it meant to me. Growing up in the Catholic Church, all I recall about Lent was keeping to a fishy diet on Fridays and giving up chocolate or candy. It seemed like the adults were more reverent during that time. However, as my Mom prepared me for Easter Sunday, it was all about donning a pretty new dress with white shoes and receiving brightly colored wicker baskets full of plastic green grass cushioning colorful arrays of foil wrapped chocolate eggs and chewy jelly beans. And, of course, the abundance and glory of Easter dinner. My mom literally didn't know how to cook for just three of us. I never understood how an only child such as herself cooked for an army. I think she just liked to try new side dishes.

The obligatory Easter Egg Hunt would commence on Sunday morning even before we went to Mass. It was always a rush around the house for lone, little me. Being an only child, it all was MINE--solid chocolate bunnies, jelly beans (black & orange ones are my favs), large Russell Stover chocolate eggs stuffed with coconut cream, maple (yucky!), strawberry and vanilla cream.

This Easter will be much different than those of my childhood. While I have tried to carry on the traditions established by my mom, this year will be much different. Our family is no longer in tact and we are missing those dear to us who cannot be here this year. It just doesn't "feel" like Easter. Once again, I find myself having unreasonable expectations about what the "perfect" holiday should look like. I know it's crazy, but I've always longed for a larger extended family, but when you and your husband are only children and all your parents are gone, the extended family, the support system just doesn't exist.

It will be a "lean" Easter this year - no extravegant meal, no new Easter bonnets or dresses, no Easter candy, no frivolities - simplicity will be the order of the day. And, as I reflect on this, it'a all about viewing the day with a grateful heart for those who are here, for the time we have, for the miraculous gift of this most sacred of days. For many, Christmas is probably the highlight of the year, but when weighed next to Easter and its true meaning, there is no greater celebration than the meaning of the cross.

Lenten Experiment - Day 36 (Chosen)

Rejected. Defeated. Worn out.

Those are feelings I'm sure many of us have had at one time or another. This world we live in makes sure of it. It's how I've been feeling lately. And, I just can't seem to shake it off - even right now this very minute.

Then, a few days ago I picked up a book from my shelf that I never got the chance to finish. Life of the Beloved by Henri J.M. Nouwen.

For those of you who might not know, Henri Nouwen was a Catholic priest and he wrote this book for his friend Fred Bratman, a secular journalist and Jew. His friend had asked him to write a book explaining the spiritual life avoiding theological jargon and technical language. Though simple in language, this book is powerful and deep in thought.

"The eyes of love have seen you as precious, as of infinite beauty, as of eternal value." In this messed up world we live in, it's extremely easy to lose sight of this simple, basic truth. And, that is what has happened to me. We all look to others for affirmation, acceptance and support. While there's nothing wrong with that, our identity/our belovedness/our chosenness is rooted and grounded in the Creator and always should be.

This thought of being beloved is difficult in a society and culture that seems to many times be corrupt as well as devalue the individual. We have to cut through the garbage and dig deep to find the truth. And, what is that ultimate truth?

You are a chosen child of God. You are precious in His sight--beloved as only He can love--and held safe in His embrace.

I am just beginning to mine all the treasures within this tiny volume, but already there is much to ponder, much to pray over, and much to discover.

During this beautiful Easter season, while watching the red buds bloom and the flowers stretch to meet the warmth of the sun, let's all rejoice in whose we are--His beloved.

Lenten Experiment - Day 35 (Make a Joyful Noise!)

Make a Joyful Noise! And, that's just what Brinna and her friends from church did today for the kick-off of Holy Week or as more are familiar with--Palm Sunday. This photo was taken at their last practice on Saturday. So fun - the waving of the sparklies. Later they waved palm leaves as well. The innocence and purity of children is wondrous. It was so evident in the kids' performance as they led the whole worship service in song and in story, preparing our hearts for Easter.

Proud Momma moments for me as Brinna performed her solo and then later shared her speaking part.

With Holy Week now upon us, I need to commit myself more to prayer each day - it is so vital to increase my faith and acknowledge His hand in my life, every little corner of it.

Make a joyful noise - every day this week!